Violence = Fear

Tonight I was at the bus stop waiting... and memories of my mugging some 6 years ago in Paris came back to me. I saw a couple of guys who gave off a similar sort of energy to the two that stole my cash and a little corner of my dignity. And I was thinking, man, I really need to take those self-defense courses, and I was also thinking about how if one of them approached me, I'd hit him, and then I started thinking about the fights that I've seen and the way that the victor keeps punching long after the threat is gone, long after they've "won" the fight, with bloodied knuckles, and that's not just in the movies. And I could imagine doing that myself. And I think that punching is the fear, the final release of it. The thing about fighting at least for me, or about violence, is fear of the pain, the hurt of impact, and the loss of control, the loss of freedom, in a sense, for the moments while you are tossing, your freedom is being swallowed by your opponent, this tenuous tug of war. They are mastering you. And the pain, I fear it without having felt it. Strange thing. I've never actually been punched in the face. Once in the stomach when I was in 5th grade. And I punched someone once, in the skull (poor aim), and that really hurt my own hand.

I think what self-defense courses do is get you used to that close physical contact, that inverse intimacy, and helps to strip that fear. Because when you lose the fear you gain control. The greater the fear, the greater the violence.

Which brings us to the war on terror. I'll stop there.